Tribute to the Area Man Episode Guide Season 1
by Diablo Films
Summary: For all the men in the world, whatever they're single, married, gay, or collects worthless old coins via online auditions, Eric Cartman has created a show so random, so unpredictable, it just may be the best show out there today. Comedy, drama, music, it doesn't matter. Because with his female lead Goombella at his side, Mr. Cartman will make all the area man in the world smile!
1. Pilot: The Michael Hart Show

Greetings everybody! This is the 1st season of Diablo Films's biggest show, Tribute to the Area Man!

**Attention: Each chapter will consist of the date where I conceived the episode, the cold open (which I will post soon in a separate story), any songs performed in the episode, and finally the summary of what happened.**

**With all of the points addressed, please enjoy!**

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**Original air date: January 5, 2005**

**Cold Open: **"The following program contains naughty bits/Button marked 'Idiot'"

**Song performed: **"Vertigo"- U2 **(Goombella and Yoshi)**

**Summary:** After introducing the new show and himself, Eric introduces Goombella, a former intern of Diablo Films executive David Haskell. The two of them intros the format: an anything-goes show with no plot, no script, and almost anyone can be on the show. Case in point: the janitor who mops the floor is treated as the first guest.

Eric then claims he has powers like the power of flight, but Goombella shuts him up by showing him a Crystal Star from her game, which she says will only work for good causes. After taking a few phone calls from fans, Eric demands more guests for his show, and Goombella obliges… with Toad and Toadette from the "Mario" series. Luckily, Ike Broflovski comes in with Michigan running back Michael Hart, who Eric and Goombella promptly interviews.

Karen Burton-Haskell then interrupts, and so does her husband David, who threatens to hurt Michael. Goombella then recalls David's recent past: from summer 2003, David has been trying to convince college and pro athletes who has lost big games to comment suicide, to the irritation of Karen. The Oklahoma football team then enters the studio, along with LSU's football team. Outnumbered 78 to 1, David gets imitated, but then Karen returns, takes away David's bazooka, and then shocks everyone by firing it at Hart! It soon turns into a free-for-all.

Later, Michael Hart is with Liane Cartman, who has given him 'sexual healing'. He threatens Karen, and then Eric, Goombella, and David comes in to give further help. Enter Karen, who Michael shows his injures to. Karen tries to apologize, and demands David to do something, which he does… that is, until the U.S Junior Hockey team (a target of David) comes in to beat up both the Breaking Gang and Michael. This leaves Eric and Goombella to fill in for Michael on the Michigan college football team 7 months later.


	2. Episode 1: Everybody's All American

**Original air date: January 18, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz**- "New Space Station" (with Nbot and Bckope from "Pelly and Peak")

**Song performed: **"Mosh"- Eminem **(Eric Cartman) **

**Summary:** The show opens with Goombella dancing in as the host, and then doing harmonics. Eric then comes in wearing a paper bag on his head. To explain why, he shows a clip from last week's "Pelly and Peak" where Karen divorces David because of his committees. And to Eric, this means he may not get paid, since David and Karen are Diablo Films executives. Feeling there's more to the "Breaking Gang" divorce than they're letting on, Goombella joins Eric in making a plea to their fans: Wear a paper bag over your head until David and Karen gets remarried.

After taking some phone calls from fans, Eric wants to insult the President, but instead Goombella brings in Thea and Melissa, a couple of contestants from "The Price is Right" who went over on their bids in the Showcase. An interview ensues, and the network's obsession with the show is called into question. But when Goombella gives her opinion on the war in Iraq (with a translation for the stupid by Eric), the network comes in to break up the show.

With the episode "cancelled", Goombella chews out Eric, who remains undaunted. The two decide to find another way to express their views: They will go to the top of Denver's tallest building and hang a 'Screw the Prez' sign on it to protest the Iraq war. Along the way, they meet 85 people who have joined Goombella's committee against Karen's divorce. Once they get to the building, it's a long way up, and interruptions abound. On the 42nd floor, Cartman snacks on Cheesy Poofs and dog biscuits, on the 48th floor the two runs afoul of some Virginia basketball fans, and throughout the climb Eric won't stop asking "are we there yet?"

Once they finally reach the top, they fetch the sign from Goombella's backpack, but they can't hang it from the roof! So the two find a landing to hang the sign, but they soon get stuck way above the city. To make matters worse, a giant S has stuck itself to the sign so that it reads "Screw the Prezs". Once it starts to snow (which then changes to freezing rain), Eric rings his mother and tells her to call the rescue squad. But before they can arrive, Goombella and Eric falls from the landing, through a plot-hole, through Karen Burton's private jet, and then lands in the middle of the Rocky Mountains. At the closing, Eric runs afoul of Bill O' Reilly, and Goombella (in a wheelchair) finally meets an Eskimo.


	3. Episode 2: Trail of the Interlopers

**Original air date: January 29, 2005**

**Cold Open: **"The Eric Cartman 'Am I Too Sloshed To Take It?' Test"

**Song performed: **"Isn't Life Strange (1989 version)"- Moody Blues

**Summary: **Eric and Goombella enter still with bags over their heads. After confirming that the losers of tomorrow's Super Bowl will be on the show next week, Eric announces that he is seeking an intern for 'Area Man'. But the way the executives want him to find one leaves a lot to be desired: People will send in sexually explicit stories (known in the fanfiction world as lemons) and the one who writes the best wins. So while Eric fantasizes about Wendy Testaburger, Goombella sorts through some real bad stories, including the Manabeast (a giant, fat bear) kissing a Wendy cardboard-cutout and Misaki Suzuhara forced to fondle Sasami Jurai.

20,000 stories (not one of them involving Eric/Wendy) later, Goombella has Eric read a letter from her Paper Mario penpal Vivian, who is one of 3 sisters. Eric surprises Goombella by agreeing to bring in Vivian for an audition, while Milk-Chan offers her own story involving Bebe Stevens, Kari Kamiya, and Yuki Aoyama. But once Eric realizes he has just sent the internship contract to Vivian via "Blue's Clues'" Mailbox, he lashes out on Goombella.

Meanwhile, at the residence of the 'Shadow Sirens' in Twilight Town, Vivian receives the internship contract and gets excited. She soon leaves for South Park… without her sisters Beldam and Marilyn.

In South Park, while Bebe cries over the 3-way lemon story made by Milk-Chan, Mailbox gives Eric Vivian's response: She'll be in South Park by tomorrow. Eric hires "Butters" to look out for her, while Goombella sets up the finale to the story contest: a game show!

At the train station, "Butters" sees Vivian, worn out after being forced into a bull rodeo to pay for the trip. But when "Professor Chaos" emerges, Vivian leaves him at the station and heads for Eric's house. Once she arrives, she is happy to see Goombella and Eric, and signs the contract. Eric promises Vivian he will not tell her sisters about this mistake if she submits to her will, and "Butters" reappears… only to be punished by his parents.

The final round of the story contest begins between Milk-Chan and Taichi Kamiya, as they play a Showcase-bidding game like "The Price is Right". In it, they attempt to guess how many sexual situations are in a montage. But since Vivian had already received the contract, Eric and Goombella hoses both Milk and Tai by having them both lose the game. "Isn't Life Strange" plays as the credits roll.


	4. Episode 3: Pizza Delivery

**Note: This is Vivian's first episode as an official cast member**

**Original air date: February 8, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz**- "Another New Space Station" (with Nbot and Bckope from "Pelly and Peak" and Marilyn and Beldam)

**Song performed:** "One Wild Night"- Bon Jovi (**Kyle Broflovski)**

**Summary:** Eric enters with Goombella, but during the opening remarks, Diablo Films Vice-President Larry Hayes interrupts. In the middle of an argument between him and Eric, a man calls from Iowa, asking if "Area Man" delivers pizza. Seeing a chance to attract new fans, Larry sends Eric and Goombella out to deliver the Iowa man a pizza, on pains of possibly getting fired. The two decides to go with the plan and leaves new intern Vivian in charge. But problems arise quickly when Goombella can't drive the delivery vehicle, and when Vivian deals with Eric's friend/foe Kyle Broflovski (who disguises himself as "Bob").

With the delivery unit, the vehicle (now driven by Eric) runs out of gas in the middle of nowhere, and then speeds off when Goombella kicks it, forcing them to deliver the pizza on foot. They try to hitchhike using one of Goombella's pioneer tricks, but it fails. As for the studio, Vivian and "Bob" are just chatting about the Super Bowl.

Later, Eric (who is demanding the pizza) and Goombella gets caught up in a windstorm, which pushes them off course with no road in sight. After Eric spots a scar on Goombella's side, she tells him where she got it: on a film shoot with the Breaking Gang, with the project entitled "Samurai Film Critics" (on December 26th, no less). With the story done, Goombella tries to make Eric follow moss (another pioneer trick) to make their way back, but Eric's having none of it. In the studio, Vivian intros the video made by "Bob".

Near the Indiana/Iowa border, Goombella's constant singing and his hunger pushes Eric over the edge, and a chase scene ensues with Eric again demanding the pizza. But then, the duo encounters a boulder, which pioneers drove in their time (to the amazement of Eric). As for Vivian, "Bob" leaves the studio with words of wisdom for her, mainly "Don't get attached to Eric… if you don't want to suffer".

With Eric and Goombella, they finally find the house in Iowa where the pizza order came from. But the customer refuses to buy since a drink was not included with the pizza, which makes Goombella tear up and David Haskell to enter. After Eric slaps some sense into David, he is shown the closing remarks made by Vivian in the studio. Realizing that Vivian had Kyle on "his" show, Eric forces the customer to choke down the pizza, and drives off (on the boulder) back to South Park with a relieved Goombella in tow.

The duo reenters and makes their closing remarks. And as the execs try to interfere and Vivian is punished with "Teletubbies", Eric leaves for the library, leaving Goombella to finish the show.


	5. Episode 4: David's a Big Fat Liar

**Original air date: February 12, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz-** "Mooning and Full-Frontal" (with Beldam, Marilyn, Nbot, and Bckope)

**Song performed: **"Big Time"- Peter Gabriel **(Eric Cartman) **

**Summary:** After Eric starts the show with "Big Time", he begins the opening remarks alongside Vivian. Their paper bag committee has pulled 120,000 people in supporting the cause of bringing the Breaking Gang back together. Enter Goombella with David Haskell, who they have agreed to help. Right after the cast answers a viewer E-Mail about recurring characters, Karen Burton calls the show, demanding to know why David is here. But David (with a cheap disguised voice) fools Karen into thinking he's taking care of his cousin from Maine, Melissa. With Karen out of the way, the show gets a letter from Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid, who asks to be on the show.

At Karen's house, Karen talks to her friend Shirley Baker, who tells her there's no cousin Melissa. Back at the studio, Eric calls out David on the lie. After agreeing with Goombella to help David, Eric intros a new segment: Prank Phone Calls! With Vivian in tow, they hang up on someone, calls a butcher about chicken necks, and then contacts Beldam (by accident). Exit Vivian to avoid punishment from her sister.

In Japan, Nozomi Kaibara of the J-pop band R3 gets a surprise visit… from Terrell Owens, who blames her self-written song "The Night David Seville Went Crazy" for his team losing the Super Bowl.

At Eric's house, Goombella, Vivian, and David Haskell are there with Eric. Then the doorbell rings… and it's Karen! Goombella is sent to stall her while the males and Vivian hide in Eric's bedroom. Meanwhile in Twilight Town, Beldam and Marilyn set off for South Park to find their sister.

Back in Eric's house, Karen gets to meet David's "cousin Melissa", who is really Vivian. Enter Leopold "Butters" Stotch, who hands out invites to his birthday party.

Later, the Sirens are in Philly, where they meet Donavan McNabb. Since Donavan is on his way to South Park for the Area Man show, the Sirens decide to follow him.

Meanwhile in South Park, "Melissa" talks with Karen about her family and the divorce, and then agrees to be Karen's escort at Leopold's birthday party. After Karen leaves, David chews out Vivian for taking the act too far, but gets slimed when he says "I don't know". As for Karen, she talks to Shirley about her visit with "Melissa" and the party. Then they hear distressing news: Nozomi's in the hospital thanks to the T.O. incident.

The Next Day- Vivian gets dressed up as "Melissa" again, against Eric's will. As for David, his judgment is questioned for starting the "Cousin Melissa" lie in the first place. At the same time, Beldam and Marilyn make it to South Park, but must pass though security.

**Part Two:** After some silly noises, Part One is recounted. At the Stotch house, Karen and Shirley enter, then "Melissa" comes in and takes over the party. As for the parents of "Butters", they are confused as to why Donovan McNabb is at the party. When it's time for cake, David gloats over Karen's non-belief of "Melissa" and says he's proved her wrong. But the cake is blueberry, which Vivian is allergic to, and soon the jig is up as a bloated Vivian is reveled. But before Karen can strike, the real Cousin Melissa from Maine enters, demanding to know why Vivian has stolen her act- and her clothes.

A speechless Karen is soon thrown out, but not willing to let this embarrassment slip, Karen draws out a samurai sword and is soon after David. Needless to say, the party turns into one big food fight. Enter Beldam and Marilyn, who sees Vivian split open after being hit with a punch bowl by Karen. Outraged that someone besides herself would hit her sister, Beldam singlehandedly breaks up the fight, and Karen is soon whisked off in a police car. After the party, Vivian tells Goombella that the fans think that "Karen is crazy" and that public opinion is most definitely on their side.

Closing remarks- Eric, Goombella, and the real Melissa recounts the action. But what's next? For Eric, it's off to the bank.


	6. Episode 5: Your Sister Can't Twist

**Note: This is Beldam and Marilyn's first episode as official cast members**

**Original air date: March 6, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz**- "Paper Boobies" (with Nbot, Bckope, and the Shadow Sirens)

**Song performed:** "Your Sister Can't Twist (But She Can Rock N' Roll)"- Elton John **(Vivian)**

**Summary:** Eric is watching the DFTV show "The Kirby and Cindy Show", leaving Goombella to open the show. When Eric does enter, he points out the new Quiet Riot and Conan O' Brian pictures on the set. There's important business to be addressed however: Karen Burton has just been released from prison. But for Karen, the problems continue, as she finds David wants to take her to divorce court.

Most of the fans in the studio tonight are college basketball fans, and are awaiting prank phone calls aimed at their rivals. With new cast members Beldam and Marilyn leading the charge, the cast prank the University of Illinois, Frank Waddle, a Lenscrafters store, Spencer Hale, and even Nbot and Bckope.

After the laughs die down, Eric and Vivian answers a viewer E-Mail from Andy about the DFTV segment "The Thing to Do Today". Afterwards, Goombella shows off David, fresh from sportsmanship therapy. It's a big part of her plan to remarry the Breaking Gang (and to stop the committees against sports teams), so the cast of the show offers cheers. However, the celebration cake burns, and Vivian is blamed for it. While Vivian tries to fix the cake, Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski (Coach K) is interviewed.

With Karen and her friend Shirley, they seek out Peak Peacock (an attorney-at-law) to take her case. Peak advises Karen to settle out of court due to the charges against her. But the list of David's demands (including a promise not to hit him ever again, a flamethrower, and a smash-up doll) causes Karen to demand that she gets her day in court.

Back on the Area Man set, David's "attorneys" (Eric, Goombella, and Vivian) are responsible for the list of demands. But the show soon goes Dada, as Marilyn fools Vivian, Craig Kilborn and Conan O' Brian fight, Goombella tries to talk to Liane Cartman, and fans of the Illinois basketball team go after basketball fans of Ohio State. The credits then roll.

A training video for "Tribute to the Area Man" is shown, narrated by Diablo Films announcer Gerald Blair and featuring:

From Humble Beginnings

The "Area Man" Show Today

Training [Featuring KISS: Karen Is an idiot and So is Shirley]

Personal Hygiene

Your Living Space

Interfacing With Your Boss

The Area Man

Emergency Situation [with the video for "Your Sister Can't Twist"]

Preparing For the "Area Man" Show: The Music Video (cut off)


	7. Episode 6: How Randy Marsh Ruined

**Original air date: March 8, 2005**

**Cold Open: **None

**Song performed: **"New Year's Day"- U2 **(Goombella and Yoshi)**

**Summary:** Goombella announces tonight's episode, which will be a play about her first few days in South Park. Vivian will not be in the play, as she has been roped into the Diablo Films NCAA Tournament office pool, and thus is too busy. Before the play starts, Eric and Goombella meets with the adult performers, who are asked to think "gothic". As for the kids of South Park, Stanley Marsh complains to Eric about the content of Goombella's play. Vivian then interrupts.

Eric intros the play (with addresses to write to), then the play begins (somewhat narrated in rhyme). It's December 22th, and Eric is announcing plans for his new show for Diablo Films TV. Randy Marsh (Stan's father) is hired to help make promotional videos for the show, and Goombella is the first choice for Eric's sidekick. Later that night, Goombella and her friend Yoshi make a music video to "New Year's Day", and after a heavy editing session by Randy, the video is played to the South Park populace. However, due to popular disdain, the video is cut off and all the copies are burned… except for one which Randy had sent to MTV. With that, Gerald Broflovski claims that Randy had ruined Christmas.

With that, Act One ends. During the two-minute intermission, Eric tells Vivian he had picked LSU to win the NCAA Tournament, but then tries to cover up his mistake.

Act Two- December 23rd: After MTV plays the "New Year's Day" video edited by Randy, the humiliated town of South Park falls into depression. Stan plans to bring in Resonance of 3 (from "Chance Pop Session") to lighten up the town, but Eric lambasts the plan, comparing Stan to Steve Nash.

The next day, R3 does not come, but instead Cindy Lou Who is sent in to sing to the parents. However, Eric chases her away, and the kids of the town tosses blame around. When Randy announces he wants to distribute the "New Year's Day" video, everyone in South Park tries to kick his ass, but then the truth is realized by Stan and Kyle. It turns out that in Randy's haste to finish the video, he accidentally put in Jar-Jar Binks from "The Phantom Menace", and that was the reason people got depressed when they saw it. A new version of the video was made with no Jar-Jar, and the people applaud Goombella's effort. The End.

As the play ends, R3 comes after Eric for him trying to stain their character. But when Vivian interrupts Eric, he gets nailed by the J-pop trio. For her help, Vivian is invited by R3 to be on the première of their friend Milk-Chan's new show "The Super Milk-Chan Show".

The closing remarks are made without Vivian, who (thanks to Eric) is being subjected to the "Syracuse punishment": watching the 1987 NCAA Basketball Final. Enter Steve Nash, who wants to know why Eric dropped his name. Lost for an answer, Eric makes for the zoo.


	8. Episode 7: Kirby-Giselle Is Dead!

**Original air date: March 15, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz**- "Door Prank" (with Nbot, Bckope, and the Shadow Sirens)

**Song performed:** "A.D.I.D.A.S"- Korn **(Manabeast and Frank Waddle)**

**Summary:** After the opening remarks by Eric, a shocking news item is dropped: The popular DFTV 'Adult Swim' show "Kirby-Giselle" has been cancelled due to Giselle leaving/being fired. At Strike One Homes in Big City, Pelly Pelican is distraught over the news, but his roommate Peak Peacock is too busy preparing for the big divorce trial between David and Karen. His client, Karen, implores Peak to "give his all" for her. As for David, his helpers are talking about busted brackets in the NCAAs, until Manabeast and Frank enter to loud boos. Vivian is put in charge of the show while Goombella and Eric leave for the trial.

In a courthouse in Denver, Beldam reveals herself as David's defense attorney and Peak's opponent. Then the presiding judge Golduck enters to the short version of his intro. While Vivian deals with topless women on the "Area Man" stage, Shirley Baker is the first witness to testify. She talks about costumes, blame, and the various committees that David formed, but Beldam objects. The Siren then asks Shirley about Karen's fascination with horses like Real Quiet, and Shirley confesses that Karen did cry after Real Quiet lost the Belmont Stakes.

Back on the "Area Man" set, Vivian intros the Manabeast and Frank Waddle's video, then asks them about "Kirby-Giselle" afterwards. Meanwhile at the courthouse, Akari Mizushima is called to the stand. She is asked by Beldam about Karen's behavior on the DFTV program "The Karen and Emily Show", a few self-written songs about the New Orleans Saints, and the whole mess with the Philadelphia Eagles and her sister Nozomi. Then Peak asks Akari about the lyrics of her songs, who she says she got from Karen, but Beldam objects.

On the "Area Man" set, Vivian desperately tries to find a replacement for Giselle in order to placate the fans by using the Crystal Star- but nothing happens! Enter Ron Jeremy, who Vivian knows nothing about. During an interview with him, we find that Ron's total of girls that he "banged" is bested by Liane Cartman. When Eric hears this, he leaves the courthouse to confront Ron, but Ron eggs on the crown and says that he likes the "Area Man" show. Eric challenges Ron, with a brief interruption from the Spanish Inquisition.

Back in the courthouse, Peak brings in Pope John Paul II, who goes crazy. As Akari retakes the stand, Karen tries to talk to Golduck in the chambers. Then the action stops, as Vivian ends the episode. In other words, "To Be Continued"…


	9. Episode 8: The Kisaragi Cometh

**Original air date: March 16, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz-** "It Was Them/Wrong Number" (with Nbot and Beldam)

**Songs performed:** "Like a Prayer"- Madonna **(Liane Cartman)**

"I Do"- Lisa Loeb **(Goombella)**

**Summary:** Diablo Films announcer Roger Horton intros the show, and reveals that this may be the last episode of "Area Man" due to the executives hating the anarchy, but Eric interjects. He reveals that he has Vivian and Marilyn making a skate park near the "Area Man" studio, and promises not to let "his" show slip away. To that end, he brings in his mom Liane for her video, with a punching-out of Ron Jeremy along the way. Afterwards, Liane directs Eric to the courthouse.

Inside, Akari is finally dismissed from the stand, and Peak introduces Karen to his new assistant Trenchcoat, a failing superhero. Vivian is next to testify, and is asked by Beldam about "Trial of the Interlopers", Karen in a cabbage patch, and her account of Leopold's birthday party from a month ago.

On the "Area Man" set, Eric announces that "his" new skate park is almost done, but then Akiba Kisaragi calls up to explain to us who the Inquisition people from yesterday were. Eric then leaves a crying Vivian to mind the set while he returns to the courthouse. Once there, Eric takes the stand and talks about his failed friendship with Karen from last year, Smarty Jones, and Funny Cide. Then Peak's assistant Trenchcoat shows Eric some pictures of losing sports teams in order to see if he will tear up, but when Eric doesn't Trenchcoat snaps and attacks Aaron Boone, who is one of Karen's witnesses. Alice Mitsuki from 'Serial Experiments: Lain" is next to take the stand and she is asked about her friend Lain's rivalry with Karen at the Blossom Water Olympics, and about Karen's odd behavior.

Back on the set, Vivian tries to quell a raucous crowd, but then a puddle-jumper plane falls on her. The crowd laughs, and Vivian decides to try idiotic stunts. So during the rest of the day, she falls down stairs, hits herself repeatedly, plays a tennis ball to WWE wrestlers Big Show and A-Train, and ingests icky lima beans at the "violent" skate park, all to the delight of the studio audience.

With the divorce trial, Peak talks to Leopold "Butters" Stotch about his involvement with Karen, but Trenchcoat snaps at "Butters" and attacks him. Then Beldam calls Shirley's stuffed rabbit Mr. Bunny to the stand, who is asked about his role as a lackey for the government and his spying of Karen and Shirley plotting against David. Chris Connolly (a high-school football coach in Dolgeville, New York) then tells the court that Karen went after his team once and even tried to strangle him.

However, David Haskell is next on the stand as he defends himself and passes blame for the committees against Karen, saying that the very first one (against race horse Funny Cide) was all Karen's idea. Peak then tries to ask David if he has ever supported any of Karen's committees, but David as a "Human Echo" doesn't make Peak's job easy. David's response to Peak: "Well, of COURSE. I ALWAYS supported little 'Karry'", which gets a laugh from the jury.

The final witness of the day is Karen Burton herself, who is asked by Peak about David, her marriage, and the committees before Trenchcoat goes nuts again, showing he may be crazier than either David or Karen. When Beldam steps up, she asks Karen about her faithfulness to David, work, McDonalds, and nights out on the town. Then some footage from the committees against sports teams is shown, and it is revealed that Karen was the instigator of all of the committees, especially one against the Colgate Red Raiders. Needless to say, Karen is furious.

Later that night, Eric praises Vivian for the high ratings, and Goombella announces David's last witness for tomorrow to Eric: Wendy Testaburger, who was the one giving Beldam and David all of their information on Karen. As for Karen, she is in a bar with Shirley and Peak, lamenting about what she did to David. Shirley tries to cheer her up, but Peak is too occupied with product placement. After Goombella's video is played (showing Peak dancing with a giant Tab soda can), Karen forms a plan to show her innocence: if she can show the jury that David started even one committee, the divorce will be finalized. Unfortunately, Peak has another idea.

At the Testaburger house, Wendy is awaked by Trenchcoat, and before she could respond, he and Peak attacks!

The Next Day- Eric reads about Trenchcoat fleeing the Testaburger home, and Beldam gets a call from Goombella at the hospital. Upsetting news comes down: Wendy had suffered 20 severe cuts from the attack last night. Aghast, Goombella, Beldam, and Eric start to form a plan…

In the courthouse, David has been told of the plan. Golduck enters and has some fun with the bailiff, and then Karen's confident lawyers enter. Beldam starts to interrogate Peak about what happened to Wendy, but before Peak could answer, Trenchcoat flies off the handle and confesses to the attack. Whilst Trenchcoat goes berserk, David says this to Karen: "Karen, I say we adopt Trenchcoat right now!" Jumping at the chance to finally start a family, Karen agrees to take back David… if he agrees to stop with "his" committees. David accepts, and the lawsuit (and divorce) is thrown out. Peak celebrates not losing the trial, but Golduck sentences him to 40 years in Alaska for his assault against Wendy.

Closing remarks- The paper bag committee is over, and the paper bags are burned. While Vivian signs autographs (and stabs herself in the eye), the Breaking Gang enters happily remarried and hauling Trenchcoat in a baby carriage. David and Karen thanks the "Area Man" cast for helping them start again with a clean slate, but Eric hates the group hug that soon follows.


	10. Episode 9: Troop 557

**Original air date: March 22, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz- **"I'm Not Giving Up!" (with Nbot and the Shadow Sirens)

**Song performed:** "Hanging By a Moment"- Lifehouse **(Goombella and Yoshi/ Kyle Broflouski)**

**Summary: **During Goombella's opening remarks, Liane gives Eric a snack as thanks for a "night of pleasure" with Vivian. The snack? Dog biscuits. Then news comes in (via a newspaper to Eric's head) that the J-pop band Resonance of 3 is making a new single for the Christian community and will feature… Kyle Broflovski?! An irate Eric decides to crash the shoot and try to get back on R3's good side (He and R3 worked together on a DFTV show last year). But since Goombella has business at UGoom (the college she goes to in her video game), Vivian is tapped to help Eric while Stan Marsh and an angry Wendy are put in charge of the set.

With Vivian driving the car and the Crystal Star on board, she and Eric head for Las Vegas (where part of R3's video is being shot). Once there, they crash into a casino, and then we find out that their car had been stolen from the family of Cindy Lou Who (a legend on Diablo Films). Eric and Vivian then confronts R3 member Yuki Aoyama, who tells them that her band is already leaving for the next shoot with Kyle in tow. So the two cast members decide to continue the chase, first stopping the theft of a car... and then stealing that same car! Meanwhile on the set, Stan has 20 DVD players playing porn on a loop in order to occupy the audience, but the Shadow Sirens come in and wants to take over. Upon finding that Vivian had left, though, the Sirens are on her trail.

Later, Eric and Vivian are in Moscow, Russia, where R3 is now filming. Eric finally confronts Kyle about his involvement in R3's video and the two of them fight, but Vivian is too busy eating to help Cartman. The next day, the chase continues as the Area Man members look for R3 in Maryland, but the gas in their car runs out. Stuck in the middle of nowhere, Vivian is forced to pull a cart with Eric in it to a giant cross, which R3 is using. Eric and Kyle get into another altercation, but when Kyle steals the Crystal Star, a hesitant Vivian burns him- and then burns Eric! In South Park, its morning, and Stan is awoken by the audience from the studio, who wants something new. In response, Stan decides on frog baseball at Starks' Pond. It proves to be great fun (thanks to infinite frogs), but then Wendy interrupts. Aghast at what's happening, Wendy breaks up with Stan.

With Eric and Vivian, they now find themselves at UGoom. They soon find Goombella, who looks angry, as she had heard about what happened between Eric, Kyle, and R3. Eric then gets an idea: Steal the R3 footage, intercut it with scenes from Goombella's performance with Yoshi later tonight, and utterly ruin Kyle's video. And not even Goombella's refusal will stop him. Back on set, Stan tries to talk to Wendy about the frog baseball game. With help from the services of the audience, Wendy almost forgives Stan, but first she wants to hurt Vivian for leaving them with the Area Man set in the first place. Thankfully, she gets the chance when Vivian and Eric are editing their music video mash-up.

The next day- Eric and Vivian enter the studios of "The Big Show" (a game show televised on DFTV where 'winning is everything'), but there's no audience because the show has ended early. Instead they find the broadcast booth where Diablo Films host Pat McKay is filling the time with his music program. Thanks to a tape switcheroo done by Eric, the video mash-up is in place. So instead of R3's newest single entitled "The Spirit", we instead get Goombella's Lifehouse video interspaced with Kyle's singing instead! Meanwhile, we see R3 at the 'Kisaragi School' catching rivets for their manager Ms. Kisaragi, but then they see the video and completely flip.

At the offices of Diablo Films President and Majority Owner Carrie Burrell, she and fellow executive Gil Evans are investigating the noise outside- it's Goombella, Kyle, and Stan arguing with Eric and Vivian about the video. To everyone's surprise, Carrie praises Vivian for the video mash-up, which leads to the others complaining about how they want the credit too. In the end, Eric, Stan, and Goombella are forced to catch rivets for Kisaragi while Gil closes the show. But there is still the closing remarks, in which Kyle hits Eric with a horse, and Vivian plugs her appearance on "The Super Milk-Chan Show"… just as her sisters track her down. Exit Goombella for Maryland, leaving Vivian alone.


	11. Episode 10: Indianapolis

**Original air date: March 29, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz-** "British Army" (with Nbot and Beldam)

**Song performed:** "Goodbye To Romance"- Ozzy Osborne **(Eric Cartman)**

**Summary:** After "Goodbye To Romance" begins the show, Eric tries to do the opening remarks, but Kirby and Squirtle are arguing backstage arguing about using each other's toothbrushes. It is left to Vivian to do the first bit of news: the Diablo Films Spring Draft will take place May 21st, and people like Eric and Milk-Chan will take part. Goombella then brings in Tai Kamiya, who was part of the "overbid" with Milk-Chan from 8 episodes ago. Ignoring a scared Vivian, Eric and Goombella interview Tai, but Mailbox (from Blue's Clues) interrupts with a mail delivery. The mail includes draft entry cards for Eric and (surprisely) Vivian, but not for Goombella. Irate, the Goomba decides to show her worth to the network and leaves to talk to Carrie Burrell.

The Spring Draft pool is next with the PlayStation Portable as the possible top prospect, but Mailbox interrupts again with a video package sent to "Area Man" from David and Karen. They are on their honeymoon in Maine with Cousin Melissa, and they show us them trying to find day treatment for Trenchcoat (Ozzy Osborne's "Crazy Train" plays during the search). As for Goombella, Carrie tells her that the draft cards are given out according to 'drawing power', but the Goomba seeks to prove her wrong. When she returns to the set, she hears that Eric has coxed Peyton Manning into coming on the show. But that good news is overshadowed by this: Trenchcoat has escaped the Breaking Gang and is heading for South Park.

As for Vivian, she hears about both news items at the skate park. Then with Eric, she gets more news: Lain Iwakura will also be involved in the draft, and the police will give $25,000 to the person who brings in Trenchcoat. Eric puts Vivian in charge of the bounty hunt, while on stage, Goombella asks Duke's "Coach K" to be her agent, but the going price is steep.

When Vivian does find Trenchcoat, he asks her for help with something: killing Peyton. So as the Siren tries to stop Trenchcoat and Eric does more prank calls, Goombella begins to show off her 'skills'. Alas, a break-necking dance gets no response from the audience, as does a pigeon- taming bit later on.

Then a breakthrough for Vivian happens: she's found Peyton Manning in a restaurant, but Trenchcoat goes after him right away. Needless to say, Eric (via phone call) demands Vivian to get Peyton on set. Before that, however, he does the old 'sawing someone in half' routine with Goombella… and it really works!

Back with Vivian, she talks to Peyton about a possible "Area Man" endorsement from him, but gets shot down. Trenchcoat then drags Vivian into a bathroom and tells her that "losers are different species". But when Tai enters the bathroom, Trenchcoat goes nuts… again. On the stage, Eric intros his mother Liane on the xylophone, which has been rigged with explosives by Goombella. But when Liane messes up one note too many (playing "Crazy Train"), Goombella seeks to correct her… and then gets blown up.

Eric then does a juggling act, but Goombella finally one-ups him by blowing herself up. Then Kyle Broflouski enters… with $25,000, since he brought Trenchcoat to the authorities! In the closing remarks, Vivian tries to apologize to Eric, and Goombella re-enters with a Spring Draft card, proving "you damn near have to kill yourself to get recognized". As for Beldam, she wasn't even in the show, and Vivian flees with Eric for Augusta National Golf Course.


	12. Episode 11: Stupid Spoiled Girl Fan Club

**Original air date: April 5, 2005**

**Cold Open: **"News Update/ Area Man Show About To Start"

**Songs performed: **"Dirrty"- Christina Aguilera ft. Redman **(Girls of South Park)**

"Role Model"- Eminem **(Eric Cartman)**

**Summary: **During Eric and Goombella's opening remarks, we find Eric isn't too happy with "The Kirby and Cindy Show" beating his show last week. That's why he has hired someone from a show in the Diablo Films Spring Draft pool to be on the show. As Vivian returns from Ms. Garrison's house, and another prank call is made on stage, we next see Bebe Stevens and her friend Wendy watching the show. After debating with Wendy about whether the guest will sign with either Eric or Lain, Bebe decides to "save the integrity" of the network. Meanwhile on a plane, we see the guest star heading to South Park: "Azumanga Daioh's" Ayumu Kasuga (also known as "Osaka").

With Bebe, she looks up Japanese schoolgirls on her computer because she has heard that Ayumu is Japanese. Fearful that Ayumu will become a sex-crazed being once she's hired on DFTV, Bebe digs out her old outfit from the "Stupid Spoiled Whore Play Set" episode of _South Park_ and decides to scare her away from the network. As for Eric, he dreads that Ayumu will ruin the planned interview on his show, mainly because of the rumor that people from Osaka, Japan are quite rowdy. Enter Wendy, who solicits Vivian for her help in stopping Bebe, but Eric throws them both out.

The Next Day- After noticing Wendy with some handcuffs on the "Area Man" set, Beldam and Marilyn decide to help Bebe with her plan of scaring away Ayumu. Later Eric, Goombella, and Vivian see most of the young girls of South Park singing "Dirrty" and acting like whores outside their studio. Once back inside, they see that the audience has left, excluding one guy who wants the cast to stop the girls going nuts (mainly because he wants girls with 'real' boobs).

With Wendy, she storms into Carrie Burrell's office and threatens to handcuff herself to Carrie's desk in protest of Bebe's plan. Problem is, Carrie's not there, and it gets worse when Wendy accidentally handcuffs herself… to Vivian!

With the other girls, Bebe gloats over her success so far, but an appalled Beldam and Marilyn objects to what she's doing. The girls beat them senseless. We then see Wendy and Vivian looking for the handcuff key in Bebe's basement, but Bebe had apparently thrown it away! Later, they try to break the cuffs using one of King Dedede's hammers, but Vivian is afraid of fanfiction writers seeing this mess and Wendy ends up hitting her own hand.

That night, Eric decides to make a video about role models (mostly because his audience is dwindling thanks to Bebe), while Marilyn and Beldam are still smarting from their beating and seeks revenge. With Wendy, she hides Vivian before going to bed, but she overhears a meeting of Bebe's whore fan club playing 'Truth or Dare' that scares both Vivian and Wendy.

At 5 A.M the next morning, Eric shows the girls his "Role Model" video, and then Goombella teaches the girls a lesson about the video and the fake role models within. Bebe's response? She and her other members beat on Goombella with about 12 kendo sticks. Meanwhile at Wendy's house, she sees Vivian eating dog biscuits. Enter Carrie Burrell, who has heard about Wendy and Vivian's antics with the handcuffs and praises them for their 'bravery'.

Back with Eric, he stops laughing at Goombella's misery long enough to welcome Ayumu to his show, but he is not impressed with her at first. The whore faction then enters to attack, but upon realizing that Ayumu is just a normal girl, half of the faction leaves Bebe. Meanwhile, Wendy and Vivian are backstage talking about their little 'adventure', but then Carrie shows up again. Carrie talks Ayumu's anime with the "Area Man" cast, while her helper Big Mean Tough Guy chases the rest of Bebe's helpers away. Realizing that her friend's crusade has failed, Wendy leaves still attached to Vivian. Ayumu herself then gets interviewed, and Bebe learns from her what Ayumu's friends wear. While Bebe finally leaves relieved, Eric faints in ecstasy while Goombella welcomes Ayumu to DFTV.

We then see that Wendy and Vivian are in the mansion of the Manabeast (somehow), and Vivian produces the handcuff key that she found near Wendy's bed. After unhooking herself from Vivian, Wendy yells at her to leave her eyesight forever… but when she accidentally handcuffs herself to the Manabeast's bedpost, Wendy begs Vivian to come back and help her. As for the closing remarks, Eric concludes that Ayumu is slow and spacy, but "not too bad" and Vivian gets an apology from her sisters for what happened in the episode. Eric finishes by telling Goombella to grab some things, and meet him "there".


	13. Episode 12: March Madness

**Original air date: April 12, 2005**

**Cold Open: SpaceCatz**- "I'm Not Giving Up This Time/ Amanda Hug n' Kiss" (with Nbot, Bckope, and the Shadow Sirens)

**Song performed:** "Welcome to the Jungle"- Guns N' Roses **(Eric Cartman)**

**Summary:** After "Welcome to the Jungle" starts the show, Eric boasts about his win in the ratings during the opening remarks. But where's Vivian? She's giving her sisters a tour of South Park. After the 3 Sirens denounce SUV's (after one of them kills Kenny), Beldam gets an idea when she sees "Butters".

Back in the studio, a court-room set has been made for a new segment: "Judge Cartman". Since "Area Man" loves to dole out justice and people have done some bad things during the NCAA Tournament last month, what better place to punish people for terrible deeds than this? As for the Sirens, all 3 of them decide to play a gag on 'Butters'. First Beldam as a girl scout hits him, and then Marilyn rants about black-eyed peas before dumping them on him. Finally, a reluctant Vivian gives him "his" wallet, and the Stotch is arrested. Beldam then notices a pay phone, which Vivian explains. So for a late birthday present for Beldam, the Sirens decide to play pranks with it. Only one problem: They don't have a quarter on their persons! So they decide to answer an ad for "Kirby Presents the Kirby Show Starring Kirby".

In the studio, "Judge Cartman" begins as Eric (with Goombella as the bailiff) rules in favor of the Manabeast in his case against Washu Habuki, and then orders Black Vulcan to pay $40,000,000 to his publicist. With the Shadow Sirens, they are with Sir Ebrum who tests the 3 sisters with word association and then the "ink blot" test, but they fail miserably. His response: "Don't come back until you get proper psychiatric help… about $5,000 worth."

On "Judge Cartman", Kansas Jayhawk fans air a grievance about itching power, but when it affects Eric, one of the fans is forced to play dodgeball with bitter Marines. Then, the Sirens attend a Matthew Lesko seminar about getting free money from the government. To join his club, the sisters must take $400,000 worth of "Scrubbing Bubbles" car wash… and pay him $10,000.

Next on "Judge Cartman" are Randy Marsh and Tweek Tweek, who says he pawned $2,000 off Randy to bet on North Carolina. When Eric rules in Tweek's favor, a mad Randy fights with the crowd. Once Randy is in jail, a West Virginia fan wins a case against his professor, despite the fact that the fan ran over a 15-year old boy with a wheelchair and pushed a 4-year-old girl into a swimming pool. Meanwhile, the Sirens are at "The Palace" in Detroit per Vivian's idea: Get involved in a fight and then sue the league. Sure enough, another fight between the Pistons and the Pacers begin when a ball hits Marilyn, and the fans and Sirens get involved. One hour later, NBA commissioner David Stern will indeed give the Sirens compensation money… after they pay the $50,000 in legal fees.

Afterwards, the Sirens (without Vivian) decide to go to a bank to get money legally. But after 6 minutes of waiting in line, Marilyn yells "GIVE US $50,000!", and the bank people think they're being robbed. With "Judge Cartman", the final case involves a can of baked beans, who loses to a talking car and is then eaten by a not-dead Kenny.

Back in Twilight Town, Vivian is done with her 'punishment' but Beldam is still upset. But then they hear a news report about the "bank robbery", and Marilyn is the main culprit. And whoever turns her in gets $50,000! So the sisters do just that, and then after paying David Stern, Matthew, and Sir Ebrum, they soon have the quarters needed to use the pay phone. The first one they call? Marilyn in jail with Randy Marsh. At the closing remarks, Goombella questions Eric's judgments on the cases in the episode, but when her card trick bombs, Eric has Goombella arrested and ends the show with dancing lobsters.


	14. Episode 13: I Love Kyle, The End

**Original air date: April 19, 2005**

**Cold Open: **"Randy Marsh and the 'Hard Eight' Questions" (with Randy Marsh, Funny Cide, and the cast of the Pokémon Science Theater)

**Song performed:** "One"- Metallica **(Shadow Sirens)**

**Summary:** After watching the Cold Open with Kyle, Carrie Burrell learns from him that Eric seeks to violate a ban she had placed on him for the 'Hard Eight' cliffhanger 2 days ago. To counter, Carrie gives Kyle a new show designed to replace "Area Man". On the "Area Man" set we get the opening remarks with Eric and Goombella, and Randy Marsh is introduced to do "One", but instead we get Ami Onuki from "Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi". She and Yumi Yoshimuya had replaced Randy because of the ban, and Goombella is blamed. Ami then tries to sing, but Eric makes her leave in tears. Unfortunately for him, Yumi seeks to avenge her, and leaves a grateful Ami on their tour bus. As for Kyle, his new show "I Love Kyle" (a show like _I Love Lucy_) is ready to be showed from Studio 3 on the DFTV lots, with Bebe Stevans as his female co-star. Sadly, the 1st episode lasts only 20 seconds, as does the 2nd episode on a beach.

Back with Eric, he meets Yumi, who the audience loves. Her guitar skills kill Kenny, and attacks Randy Marsh. Impressed, Eric invites her for some prank calls, but one of them is on Ami. With Kyle, the episodes on his show continue to be only seconds long, as the 3rd is the famous "Dead Parrot" sketch, and the 4th is the stomping on grapes routine with his brother Ike.

On "Area Man", Eric tries to do education per FCC rules, but Ami re-enters. Ami tries to do a puppet tap-dance show, but Eric is "sick on a molecular level" and tries to throw her out again. In response, Ami says she'll do a… **Murder!** Eric: "That sounds freaking awesome"! And after a 30-second "I Love Kyle" about a game show, Ami is ready to murder someone. That someone is a Caterpie named "Felix", who Ami blows up. The audience loves it, but Eric doesn't. A news report follows from Roger Horton about the utter lack of protest over the murder, but just then we do get a protest about the lack of outcry. Mr. Callahan the Weatherman then links to a new "I Love Kyle": It's a parody of "The Super Milk-Chan Show" with Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga as Hanage, but again it's only seconds long.

On the PuffyAmiYumi bus, Ami is showering when Eric interrupts to let her know about the popular Caterpie murder. To him it was the 2nd best thing ever, and that upsets Ami, who wants to be #1. She leaves, and Vivian eats the toilet seat in the bathroom. With Kyle and Carrie, they seek to best "Area Man" with the last 3 episodes of "I Love Kyle". But the first two lasts only around 1 minute; one of them involves a skill mask, and another involves a multi-vitamin that causes anal-leaking.

As for Ami, she sings a song about being number 2 and decides to kill herself "tomorrow night at 9, y'all!" When Eric hears that Ami's suicide will be nationally televised on his show, he gets excited while a panicked Yumi looks for Ami. Carrie also panics about "Area Man" and decides with Kyle to extend the last episode of "I Love Kyle" to bury Ami's special. And to help with that, Bebe has been replaced with Beldam and Marilyn.

Back on the bus, Ami tells Yumi that "I'll be fine" and leaves to prepare. A nervous Yumi then watches "I Love Kyle", in which Kyle and Marilyn do the famous "wrapping chocolates" bit from _I Love Lucy_. But when Marilyn cries, the "Ami Suicide Spectacular" begins. Ami gets dipped into a 'suicide batter' containing 12 secret herbs and spices and then gets dumped into a 380-degree vat of boiling oil, to the roar of the crowd. Later at the hospital, Yumi visits Ami, and Eric tells her that "you did the number 1 thing ever!" But when Carrie enters, we see that Eric had turned Ami into a… "Zero" and he tells us "we'll never see her again"! The Shadow Sirens play "One" to end the show.


End file.
